Daddy, daddy, daddy dear.
From my birth you have been here.
Rocked from my cradle,
Clung to thy side.
Knowing from the boogie man,
You'd help me to hide.
From sleeping on your stomach,
To driving my first truck.
How was I to know,
I'd have such luck?
For in this life,
To call you dad.
What an indescribable gift,
For me to have had.
Your little girl I've been,
And I'll always be.
Because of the love,
You have given me.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
2/15/2004
I am emotion,
I am prone to hate.
I am hate,
But I can appreciate.
I appreciate,
Those who care.
I care,
But few choose to dare.
I dare,
To occasionally open this heart.
My heart,
Can't stand pressure on parts.
I'll close,
The window of opportunity.
I will miss it,
Time will pass me by.
I will avoid,
Things that make me cry.
I cry,
When the pain hurts.
I hurt,
When emotion begins to roll.
I will roll,
The dice once again.
I won't play,
I'll forfeit my turn due to strain.
I strain,
To stay in this life.
My life,
It passes me, waving bye.
I'll wave,
Wishing to jump on the ride.
I'll ride,
The tempest I'm on.
I'm on,
Waiting for it to be gone.
I am prone to hate.
I am hate,
But I can appreciate.
I appreciate,
Those who care.
I care,
But few choose to dare.
I dare,
To occasionally open this heart.
My heart,
Can't stand pressure on parts.
I'll close,
The window of opportunity.
I will miss it,
Time will pass me by.
I will avoid,
Things that make me cry.
I cry,
When the pain hurts.
I hurt,
When emotion begins to roll.
I will roll,
The dice once again.
I won't play,
I'll forfeit my turn due to strain.
I strain,
To stay in this life.
My life,
It passes me, waving bye.
I'll wave,
Wishing to jump on the ride.
I'll ride,
The tempest I'm on.
I'm on,
Waiting for it to be gone.
3/23/2004
Fire's smoldering embers.
Suppressed lingering flames.
Burns me deeper,
All again, just the same.
Cuts tear through me,
Relief does flow.
Ripping, gracefully gripping,
The horror that I know.
Eyes so hallow,
The memory does haunt.
The voice of laughter,
Mercilessly will taunt.
Utterance of words spoken,
Where no ear can hear.
All the while hoping,
To hold some warmth near.
Because though the fire burns me,
And the cuts etch my soul,
I am frigid and cold,
My heart's made out of stone.
Suppressed lingering flames.
Burns me deeper,
All again, just the same.
Cuts tear through me,
Relief does flow.
Ripping, gracefully gripping,
The horror that I know.
Eyes so hallow,
The memory does haunt.
The voice of laughter,
Mercilessly will taunt.
Utterance of words spoken,
Where no ear can hear.
All the while hoping,
To hold some warmth near.
Because though the fire burns me,
And the cuts etch my soul,
I am frigid and cold,
My heart's made out of stone.
3/23/2004
I wish I was not tainted.
I wish I was not marred.
I wish I had no reasons,
To inflict more scars.
I want to be unburdened.
I want to be cut free.
For this life to stop,
Lessen the pain for me.
Secrets I keep hidden,
That I don't want found.
Only achieves in helping,
To keep my breath bound.
Reality's scary torture,
Threatens to overrun me.
It wants me to look closely,
It's existence for me to see.
I try so hard to fight it,
Control, I attempt to maintain.
Escaping bits and pieces,
Efforts are in vain.
I wish I was not marred.
I wish I had no reasons,
To inflict more scars.
I want to be unburdened.
I want to be cut free.
For this life to stop,
Lessen the pain for me.
Secrets I keep hidden,
That I don't want found.
Only achieves in helping,
To keep my breath bound.
Reality's scary torture,
Threatens to overrun me.
It wants me to look closely,
It's existence for me to see.
I try so hard to fight it,
Control, I attempt to maintain.
Escaping bits and pieces,
Efforts are in vain.
3/21/2004
Tormented soul,
Too much to care.
Twisted heart,
Too wrung to bare.
Heavy burdens,
Of my shifted mind.
Wanted solace,
Desperately need to find.
A moment of relief,
My nature does bequeath.
Not to last,
Darkness brewing underneath.
Too much to care.
Twisted heart,
Too wrung to bare.
Heavy burdens,
Of my shifted mind.
Wanted solace,
Desperately need to find.
A moment of relief,
My nature does bequeath.
Not to last,
Darkness brewing underneath.
12/5/2003
Loneliness enters,
I grab my pen.
Purge the feelings,
That have come again.
Another wave,
Of the wanted lost.
But it's now,
So I will pay the cost.
Always another answer,
To make it end.
But my knees,
Just don't bend.
I hear all the remedies,
Ways to make it break.
Sorry to say,
It seems a little fake.
Asking what can't be done.
It's the very core,
Of all the problems,
That invade me more.
Broken, tattered spirit,
Soul, sick and darkened.
Having thoughts,
That shouldn't be mentioned.
I grab my pen.
Purge the feelings,
That have come again.
Another wave,
Of the wanted lost.
But it's now,
So I will pay the cost.
Always another answer,
To make it end.
But my knees,
Just don't bend.
I hear all the remedies,
Ways to make it break.
Sorry to say,
It seems a little fake.
Asking what can't be done.
It's the very core,
Of all the problems,
That invade me more.
Broken, tattered spirit,
Soul, sick and darkened.
Having thoughts,
That shouldn't be mentioned.
2000-2005??
I'm the miscellaneous,
The one who doesn't fit.
I'm the miscellaneous,
The one you just can't get.
Inquisitive peering eyes,
Starring at your soul.
Do I make you nervous,
Since hiding is your goal?
What makes me,
The way I am?
Perhaps I am fake,
Just a sham.
Reason would,
Suggest otherwise.
I'm the one,
Not the disguise.
What makes me tick,
Makes time go by?
Why am I an irritation,
Like that of a sty?
Trying to get a closer look,
I'm still too far away.
Trying to pry into me,
But inspiration won't stay.
I'll tell you now,
You've got the jest of me.
There's not much more,
That I'll allow you to see.
Will you ever figure me,
Ever know me well?
Who knows,
Only time will tell...
The one who doesn't fit.
I'm the miscellaneous,
The one you just can't get.
Inquisitive peering eyes,
Starring at your soul.
Do I make you nervous,
Since hiding is your goal?
What makes me,
The way I am?
Perhaps I am fake,
Just a sham.
Reason would,
Suggest otherwise.
I'm the one,
Not the disguise.
What makes me tick,
Makes time go by?
Why am I an irritation,
Like that of a sty?
Trying to get a closer look,
I'm still too far away.
Trying to pry into me,
But inspiration won't stay.
I'll tell you now,
You've got the jest of me.
There's not much more,
That I'll allow you to see.
Will you ever figure me,
Ever know me well?
Who knows,
Only time will tell...
Saturday, April 10, 2010
2005?
The boy is grown
And is now a man.
Look at him now,
How tall he does stand.
His shirt is pressed.
In his eyes there's a gleam.
He appears a little wiser,
More than his years it seems.
He'll leave his family,
On a journey he's bound.
Working for his Father's will,
Humility will be found.
Opposition he will surely face.
Some days may seem dark.
At these times just remember,
What started the inner spark.
There are many waiting,
In this world and the next.
Waiting for the opportunity,
To take the eternal test.
Be watchful as you tarry.
Do not hurry by.
The meekest of souls,
Are searching by the way.
Be a good example.
It is Christ you are to follow.
He'll be forever with you.
Holding you in his hand, the hallow.
And is now a man.
Look at him now,
How tall he does stand.
His shirt is pressed.
In his eyes there's a gleam.
He appears a little wiser,
More than his years it seems.
He'll leave his family,
On a journey he's bound.
Working for his Father's will,
Humility will be found.
Opposition he will surely face.
Some days may seem dark.
At these times just remember,
What started the inner spark.
There are many waiting,
In this world and the next.
Waiting for the opportunity,
To take the eternal test.
Be watchful as you tarry.
Do not hurry by.
The meekest of souls,
Are searching by the way.
Be a good example.
It is Christ you are to follow.
He'll be forever with you.
Holding you in his hand, the hallow.
2000-2001?
Just as my heart decides,
That it may want to love again,
My memories quickly remind me,
Of the cruelty of a man.
A relationship, I must have again,
To ever ease the pain.
But with each opportunity, the door I shut.
The chance forever lost in vain.
What shall I make of my teetering little path?
Which direction should I go?
The path of least resistance, or of wrath,
Please allow the answers to freely flow.
My heart is a chirping bird,
Who never learned to fly.
Was removed from the nest too early,
So now opportunity passes by.
Will I ever learn again,
Trust these broken wings?
Stretch them out, look to the sun,
Wondering, what life shall bring.
Pain has not escaped me,
Pity is my poisoned curse.
Wishing I could end it all,
With the last stanza of this verse.
That it may want to love again,
My memories quickly remind me,
Of the cruelty of a man.
A relationship, I must have again,
To ever ease the pain.
But with each opportunity, the door I shut.
The chance forever lost in vain.
What shall I make of my teetering little path?
Which direction should I go?
The path of least resistance, or of wrath,
Please allow the answers to freely flow.
My heart is a chirping bird,
Who never learned to fly.
Was removed from the nest too early,
So now opportunity passes by.
Will I ever learn again,
Trust these broken wings?
Stretch them out, look to the sun,
Wondering, what life shall bring.
Pain has not escaped me,
Pity is my poisoned curse.
Wishing I could end it all,
With the last stanza of this verse.
6/30/2000
Trapped in a corner, no place to turn around.
Looking for love, not what I found.
Stained with a broken heart,
Shamed by my pride.
Knowing all along, those sweet words were lies.
Truth was my enemy, Ignorance my song.
Trying desperately to just "go along."
Dancing the dance that never ends,
Smiling softly as I pretend.
Why is the damage done so great?
It should be over and gone, it's getting late.
The story is finished; the book has been closed.
Things are no longer, what I had once supposed.
Reality I can handle, but the memories don't fade.
Memories like stormy waters, which I must constantly wade.
Regret is my companion, my ever-faithful friend.
Who strives to stay with me, preventing any mend.
Somewhere along my broken path, things will turn around.
The memories that sharply sting me, will no longer be found.
I have faith and hope, searching for the light,
Knowing that somehow, everything will turn out just right.
Looking for love, not what I found.
Stained with a broken heart,
Shamed by my pride.
Knowing all along, those sweet words were lies.
Truth was my enemy, Ignorance my song.
Trying desperately to just "go along."
Dancing the dance that never ends,
Smiling softly as I pretend.
Why is the damage done so great?
It should be over and gone, it's getting late.
The story is finished; the book has been closed.
Things are no longer, what I had once supposed.
Reality I can handle, but the memories don't fade.
Memories like stormy waters, which I must constantly wade.
Regret is my companion, my ever-faithful friend.
Who strives to stay with me, preventing any mend.
Somewhere along my broken path, things will turn around.
The memories that sharply sting me, will no longer be found.
I have faith and hope, searching for the light,
Knowing that somehow, everything will turn out just right.
10/9/2001
Sins that return to haunt me.
Memories that mockingly taunt me.
When will the torment end?
Why will my heart not mend?
Gone are the days of my tainted past.
Long do the repercussions last.
If only I could go back in time,
I'd change so much about this life of mine.
Scars I'd erase from my mind and my heart.
I would have a fresh new start.
Pictures play frame by frame in my mind.
The most intricate memories, I can't help but find.
Memories that mockingly taunt me.
When will the torment end?
Why will my heart not mend?
Gone are the days of my tainted past.
Long do the repercussions last.
If only I could go back in time,
I'd change so much about this life of mine.
Scars I'd erase from my mind and my heart.
I would have a fresh new start.
Pictures play frame by frame in my mind.
The most intricate memories, I can't help but find.
5/25/2001
"Thank thee for this day dear Lord,"
Are the words that I pray.
But my true thought,
I never say.
Perhaps it would be okay
If with this paper and pen,
I could express my feelings,
I pray it's not a sin.
I would ask the Lord, to help me.
I'm falling on my way.
It seems to be getting harder,
To live each passing day.
The problem now being,
That with this said,
I feel so ungrateful,
For wishing to be dead.
I know I'm blessed.
Compared to others, I've had it easy.
This does little to rectify,
Feelings that make my stomach queasy.
Never could I kill myself,
And take away what Thou hast given.
But I plead with thee my Savior,
Help me to see a better way of liven'.
Are the words that I pray.
But my true thought,
I never say.
Perhaps it would be okay
If with this paper and pen,
I could express my feelings,
I pray it's not a sin.
I would ask the Lord, to help me.
I'm falling on my way.
It seems to be getting harder,
To live each passing day.
The problem now being,
That with this said,
I feel so ungrateful,
For wishing to be dead.
I know I'm blessed.
Compared to others, I've had it easy.
This does little to rectify,
Feelings that make my stomach queasy.
Never could I kill myself,
And take away what Thou hast given.
But I plead with thee my Savior,
Help me to see a better way of liven'.
5/23/2001
Drowning, drowning,
There she goes,
Under the waves again.
Where? No one knows.
Get her back, don't let her go!
Are the words they say.
But more important,
Are their actions this day.
They had their chance.
They refused to see.
Until what was coming,
Came to be.
A turn of their head,
A downward glance.
Always thinking,
They'll have yet another chance.
Now I'm gone,
When I'll surface, no one knows.
Waiting they will stand back to watch,
As the wrath of the waves, upon me, shows.
The waves know no mercy,
They have no bound.
My feet are swept from under me,
Never really placed firmly on the ground.
There she goes,
Under the waves again.
Where? No one knows.
Get her back, don't let her go!
Are the words they say.
But more important,
Are their actions this day.
They had their chance.
They refused to see.
Until what was coming,
Came to be.
A turn of their head,
A downward glance.
Always thinking,
They'll have yet another chance.
Now I'm gone,
When I'll surface, no one knows.
Waiting they will stand back to watch,
As the wrath of the waves, upon me, shows.
The waves know no mercy,
They have no bound.
My feet are swept from under me,
Never really placed firmly on the ground.
5/25/2001
Another poem,
Crooked finger.
Permeating feelings,
That forever linger.
Nothing different,
All the same.
Still, no title,
To this game.
Feelings raw,
Reasons hidden.
Silent quest,
Of the forbidden.
Crooked finger.
Permeating feelings,
That forever linger.
Nothing different,
All the same.
Still, no title,
To this game.
Feelings raw,
Reasons hidden.
Silent quest,
Of the forbidden.
5/12/2001
Don't ask me how I'm doing.
You can see that I'm not well.
Don't ask the questions,
That my presence clearly tells.
Don't analyze my darting eyes,
Because you know they are in pain.
Don't tell me that you really care,
Your words are all in vain.
Don't give my ill a title,
It won't help it go away.
Don't search for deeper meaning,
In all the words I say.
Don't think you've gotten me figured,
Because I won't play the part.
Don't mess around with my feelings,
I've got a damaged heart.
You can see that I'm not well.
Don't ask the questions,
That my presence clearly tells.
Don't analyze my darting eyes,
Because you know they are in pain.
Don't tell me that you really care,
Your words are all in vain.
Don't give my ill a title,
It won't help it go away.
Don't search for deeper meaning,
In all the words I say.
Don't think you've gotten me figured,
Because I won't play the part.
Don't mess around with my feelings,
I've got a damaged heart.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
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